I remembered who I was

January 25, 2012

Before I start my story, I have to tell you that I have forgiven my parents long time ago; I no longer hold a bit of bitterness against them.

About two weeks ago, the music director at my church asked the congregation to stand and sing the hymn ‘Knowing You (All I Once Held Dear)’. As I sang, every word of the song touched every inch of my soul, and tears almost spilled from my eyes, because I remembered who I was.

I grew up in a wealthy family in Hong Kong. I had nice clothes, nice watches, and nice this and that. But deep down, I was very unhappy; I felt empty because I felt unloved by my parents. They yelled at each other for no reason. My father always beat up my mom. Didn’t they know that they hurt me emotionally? Didn’t they know that my heart held anguish toward them? Did they try to understand me? I didn’t want any material things because they meant nothing to me. All I ever wanted was their love, but I did not feel a bit.

When I grew up, I became a very ambitious man. My goal in life was to pursue fame, power and wealth as a way to dull my silent longing for love.

I did very well at college and was recognized by my fellow students. One day, I met a lovely Christian girl (now my wife) in a class. She invited me to church and talked to me about Jesus. As our friendship deepened, my interest in knowing God also grew. One night, as I was alone reading the Bible in my apartment, I felt God’s presence as I heard Him speak to me, “Dicky, accept me to be your personal Savior.” I prayed. The next morning, which was Sunday morning, I went to the church and received Jesus Christ into my life. What a moment of joy for me!

But my worldly desires still resided in my heart. I obsessively continued to study very hard at college and was highly honored among all students. I gained fame; I was happy.

When I stepped into the corporate world, I was determined to climb up the corporate ladder for power and wealth. After twists and turns and ups and downs, I failed to gain any high positions. I felt empty again. What was the purpose in my life? I cried and cried and cried.

One night, I parked my car in a parking lot nearby my home. It was very quiet. I prayed and asked the Lord to forgive me, and I surrendered my life to Him once more. God let me see my sin—pursuit of worldly success, which would only lead to emptiness. God let me experience His transforming power—He pointed me to the right direction that I should fix my eyes on Him, not on the world as the world will pass away, but His Love will last eternally.

In Ecclesiastes 1:14 (NIV), King Solomon says, “I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind.”

I am so joyful that I have let go of ‘All I Once Held Dear’. I am free, free in Christ because He is the Truth that has set me free.

Here I am asking you: Are you willing to let go of your own worldly desires and surrender your life to Christ?

Close your eyes and listen this hymn here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rl45JnnRSw

Someone asked me about my motivation for writing my Christian romance novel. My answer is simple and straight: to touch the hearts of those readers who have similar desires as I had and to let them experience the Love of God. I pray that the Lord may use my novel to transfer millions of souls for His glory and honor.

Only Jesus can set you free.

Copyright 2012 Dicky To